Gain Confidence » Self Help

Short-Term Pain Equals Long Term Gain. You be the Judge!

admin — Thu, 26 Nov 2009 10:07:39 +0000

Let me share with you the strategy that changed my life. I call it short-term pain for long-term gain. That doesn’t sound too appetizing at first, does it? It will be finger licking good once you understand it.

The nature of all innovation is to enable people to do things faster, easier, and more convenient. Humans are by nature lazy. That’s not good or bad it’s just the way we are. Given the choice to do something the easy way or the hard way, it’s human nature to do it the easiest way. There are times however when this natural tendency works against your best interest. The fact that most people will take the easy route can also work in your favor, provided you don’t.

Here’s what I mean. Most people will take the short-term gain of avoiding the risk of trying something new and, by default, endure the long-term pain of underachieving in their life. Rather than risk the potential of failure they would rather not try in the first place.

A doctor endures over a decade of pain in attending medical school and interning in order to enjoy the long-term gain of a lifetime of prestige and wealth. A person endures the short-term pain of regular exercise and eating smart for the long-term gain of looking and feeling great. You can endure the short-term pain of saving money and paying off debt in order to enjoy the long-term gain of being financially secure in retirement.

The common strategy among 95% of the population is short-term gain for long-term pain. They stop trying after high school or college and accept their place in the rat race. This is self-doubt in action on a large scale.

Four important examples of short-term gain for long-term pain are:

Other people use money to build security for their families or a foundation for the poor. Money doesn’t care one way or the other. People who understand money save at least 10% of their income and invest it so it grows over time. They stay out of debt and pay their credit cards off monthly. People who understand interest collect it. Those who don’t, pay it. The short-term gain of buying something you don’t need results in the long-term pain of reaching retirement age and being dead or dead broke.

Cornerstones Of Self-Confidence

admin — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 03:37:23 +0000

We all need self confidence in order to succeed in life. Without self confidence we will be unable to face life’s challenges with equanimity. With it we will be able to face them with courage.
The dilemma we are faced with, however, is how to gain self confidence when we lack it in the first place? The key to genuine self confidence is to experience success. This is not as difficult to do as you might think. Many people set themselves up to be discouraged by making it hard to succeed. You can make it easy to succeed by breaking down your larger goals into smaller ones that you can more easily achieve. Make sure that you enjoy each small achievement and your self confidence will increase.
Self image is another important concept of self confidence. If you have a poor self image, your self talk will probably be negative. If you are constantly criticizing yourself and you feel like you are never good enough, you are making it very difficult (if not impossible) to succeed. A low self image is often the by-product of the messages we received as children but it can also be the consequence of the devastating blows we can receive as adults such as divorce, job loss or business failure. We have to learn from our mistakes, however we don’t want to get stuck in a cycle of self blame as it can be a slippery slope to despair and depression. As motivational speaker and author Tony Robbins says: “The past does not equal the future.” Look forward, not backwards and begin to work towards a brighter future.
People also affect our self confidence both positively or negatively. The simple decision to spend time with friends and family members who are positive and supportive and to avoid spending much time with those who are negative will lead to increased self confidence.
The way we respond to feedback is another important factor which will influence our level of self confidence. While it is certainly true that we need to see ourselves as inherently worthy, we need to avoid over-confidence or arrogance. We are all unique individuals who have something special to offer the world. This understanding will help us to develop the sort of positive beliefs, values and thinking that will strengthen our self confidence so that we can move forward successfully in life. However, all criticism is the result of negativity. Some criticism is very valuable. Be willing to listen to criticism, pay attention to information you can use to improve as a person and throw away the rest. Your ability to respond maturely to feedback will help you become the best person you can be. Likewise, your ability to discern unwarranted criticism and disregard it will keep your self confidence intact.
The way you speak to yourself is also very important. Positive self talk will give you the confidence and belief in yourself to step up to the challenges and opportunities of life and undertake them with courage and excellence. Negative internal dialogue, on the other hand, will keep you from even trying. Be willing to monitor your thoughts and actively choose to think positively about yourself and your abilities.
Your self image is intimately tied to your destiny. Most people let their minds run amuck, unaware that their thoughts and feelings about themselves are actually writing the story of their lives. We have to guard against thoughts of failure and inadequacy. If we aim high and believe that we are capable of achieving our goals we will have set ourselves on the pathway to success. The power of a positive vision cannot be underestimated on this journey. Where do you want to be in five or ten years from now? Write down your vision and turn it into goals.
It is easy to get into the bad habit of thinking negatively. To overcome this habit you will need to make a concerted effort to focus on your positive traits. Keep a note of your strengths. What sort of compliments do people tend to give you? What would you like to improve about yourself? Take charge of these areas and make a plan. Taking action will automatically shore up your self confidence. If you make a habit of thinking and acting confidently (no matter how you feel) and limit your contact with people who criticize you or belittle your dreams, you will become a far more self confident and successful person.
By applying these strategies and taking responsibility for your life, you will find that you will become a naturally self confident person. Furthermore, it will be a genuine and deep self confidence that can stand firm under the storms of life.

Improving Your Self Confidence For Greater Success

admin — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 20:35:30 +0000

Self confidence is a general and realistic belief in one’s own abilities. Self confident people trust in their own ability to achieve goals that they plan and set out to achieve. This belief needs to be realistic.
Self confidence does not mean that an individual can achieve anything and everything, even absurd goals. It simply means that the person will have a sense of control over his own destiny, a positive frame of mind and is likely to make the best use of his talents and skills in achieving positive outcomes.
Achieving self confidence is a fine balance. Lack of self confidence or under-confidence will result in an individual doubting his abilities. Such people seek the approval of others for reassurance. They believe they have to conform to the expectations of others to fit in and be accepted. They will tend to avoid taking risks for fear of failure. They expect to fail and this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy!
Under-confident people tend to under-achieve since they have a low estimation of their abilities and therefore will not push their boundaries to achieve their best. They also tend to play down their abilities and are often uncomfortable dealing with compliments – usually discounting them.
On the other hand over confidence is not desirable either, as such individuals may tend to have unrealistically high expectations and beliefs in their abilities and therefore take unwarranted risks.
Self confidence is not necessarily all-pervasive. An individual who is completely comfortable and confident in one area of activity, say his work or profession may lack confidence in other areas such as social situations.
What factors contribute to lack of confidence?
Lack of confidence is often the result of unrealistic expectations. Constantly aiming for perfection is a certain recipe for failure which reinforces feelings of inadequacy. Children who grow up in excessively protective environments and are not allowed to develop their independence may tend to be less confident than others who are allowed to develop their own abilities and self reliance. Similarly over critical and demanding parents may undermine a child’s self confidence and cause them to continually doubt their abilities even in adult life.
What steps can be taken to improve self confidence?
Low self esteem and low self confidence are perpetuated by unhelpful and often destructive thought patterns. Self confidence may be improved by identifying the offending thinking habits and taking steps to correct them. For instance seeking acceptance and approval from everyone may be an unrealistic expectation. The fact is that in day to day life one will encounter people that will never approve of every aspect of your life. It is far more beneficial to set personal standards which are not dependent on the approval of others.
Under confident people are quite often their own worst critics. They are quick to brand themselves failures at the slightest obstacle. It is important to remember that even the most successful people encounter setbacks. What sets them apart is how they deal with that setback and venture into the future. A setback or failure in the past need not dictate the course of your entire future.
However, if at the first sign of failure you label yourself a total failure, chances are that’s exactly what you will be! Evaluate your expectations – Are they realistic? Don’t be overly critical of yourself. Refuse to accept the criticisms of others where it is unrealistic.
Give yourself credit for what you do achieve rather than focussing solely on the negatives. Resist the temptation to magnify negative outcomes out of proportion while minimizing positives.
Persons with low self esteem avoid risks and may therefore never truly find out what they are capable of. Taking calculated risks can broaden one’s horizons and help to gain greater self awareness and acceptance.
Evaluate your standards – substitute more reasonable expectations for perfectionist targets that are bound for failure. Build up to more challenging targets as your confidence grows.
Self consciousness is a major hurdle to self confidence especially in social situations. Diverting attention away from yourself can help to diffuse this situation. This can be achieved by keeping yourself occupied with other activities or focussing on the purpose of the social encounter and engaging your mind on furthering that social purpose. Not having enough to keep your mind occupied is guaranteed to produce feelings of self consciousness leading to feelings of anxiety, inadequacy and lack of confidence.
These are just a few steps that may be taken to improve levels of self confidence. Clearly it is just the tip of a very large iceberg and the most appropriate measures would of course need to be determined by individual circumstances.

Personal Self Confidence Development

admin — Fri, 06 Nov 2009 04:57:45 +0000

For most of us self confidence can not really be explained. It is never easy to fully describe what it’s like to be confident. Self confidence is a state of being. It is a bit like being in love – you can’t really explain how you know you are, you just know. You also know that it is a state that you need to aquire if you ever want to succeed at anything worthwhile in life.

Self confidence begins with trust. It is trusting in your own abilities, strengths and attributes. It is the ability to take action and succeed. It is also the ability to take action and fail without allowing the failure to reflect badly on your own internal self of identity.

The true essence of self confidence lies in faith and belief. The belief in your own abilities. It is having a sense of self worth and feeling no less than anyone else. Self confidence means that no matter what happens you know that can deal with it. It is really having a sense of Self. Knowing that you are OK just as you are, and knowing that your imperfections are part of what makes up “you”.

So what leads to a lack of confidence?

Well, each of us have a self-protection mechanism built into us, and although this is much needed, it can cause untold damage in other areas of our lives. There is a self protection program that is hot-wired into the brain and energy system of every living thing. Its role is to protect us. It protects us from dangerous situations by accessing memories and reminding us of the previous discomfort!

Let me explain with an example. If you touch a hot coal you get burned and you know not to touch it again – your self-protection mechanism kicks in. If you encounter a red-hot coal in the future you keep your hands and body far enough away so you don’t feel the burning sensation and the pain associated with it. Your subconscious mind programs into your brain the fear of getting too close to hot coals. This memory, or just the fear and pain connected to it, is immediately evoked and sent to the conscious mind by the subconscious when it feels you are in danger of getting burnt. This mechanism, for self-preservation, has protected you from an infant. However, as we will see, it can work against in a myriad of ways.

Let’s look at one. For example at some previous point in your life you may have tried your hand at something that was completely new and alien to you. You tried and you failed! Perhaps your peers, family, parents friends or even complete strangers ridculed you and laughed at yur efforts. This may have embarrassed you and made you feel inadequate. Your subconscious mind stored and filed this information in exactly the same way a computer does and can access it in the same way. These are neural networks in the brain that fire in sequence and send electrical impulses to the body telling it to release certain chemicals (which produce emotional responses). A neural connection is made between the memory of the event and the emotion you felt at the time. When faced with a similar circumstance in the future you will have problems. The subconscious mind immediately activates the schema and the neural network begins to fire. Thus the subconscious mind replays the memory and the original emotions are evoked in order to protect you! This is done purely so that you do not feel belittled again.

For example, you may have tried to paint a picture. Your friends around you laughed and ridiculed your efforts. This caused you embarrassment and the feeling of being ostracized like the “odd man out”. You lacked the approval of your peers. The subconscious mind immediately stored this information in its memory banks ready to be replayed in the future. 20 years later you still have a desire to paint but won’t even go to a night class to learn because the thought of painting brings forth the emotions of disapproval, embarrassment and fear. The subconscious mind replays the emotions associated with the old memory even if you can’t recall the actual event ever having happened. Your subconscious mind is, in effect, saying “don’t paint or you’ll feel like this again!”.

Usually such emotional memories stem back to childhood from the time when you were most impressionable but not always. You can just as easily encounter such problems when you are an adult and the key to protecting yourself from such negative influences is to develop a better sense of yourself and build your confidence. This is at the very core of all personal development and self improvement techniques!

In reality you have no idea what the outcome will be when you start something new . As an adult, you should be able to try new things without the fear of what ridicule, or condemnation from others, would do to your confidence.

Self confidence is having the ability to feel the fear and do it anyway. In reality you have no idea what the outcome will be when you perform a task that is new to you. By developing your confidence however you are much more likely to expect a positive outcome. Should you not have the outcome you desire you are then capable of looking at the situation realistically, determining what you need to learn and develop in order to succeed at it or at least be able to accept the fact that your are not suited to the activity without “freaking out” about it.

Many people believe that you are either born with confidence or you are not. The truth is we are all born confident! You cried when you wanted something and believed you were so important that you would get it. You tried to walk several times while falling knowing that eventually you would get it. This is confidence. Unfortunately this kind of confidence is usually programmed out of us but it is your NATURAL sate. It’s time to get it back.

Firstly, you should be kind to yourself. Don’t expect perfection. Do you think Tiger Woods got a hole in one the first time he played golf? Although he may have been born with an innate ability at this sport chances are that the first time he played he was terrible at it!

The thing that builds your confidence is trying things that you haven’t done before. Try to do something that scares you. Those people who have self confidence are willing and often eager to try new challenges not becuase they are certain of success but becuase they have enough belief in themselves to give it a try. They refuse to give into their own fears. If there was no fear or uncertainty then there would only be knowing! Confidence is not knowing but trying anyway.

The good news is that there are strategies and approaches you can learn to build your confidence level to a new all-time high. Once you learn these and begin to apply them you will feel better able to try new things and enter new situations. Then as you begin to succeed and realise that the world didn’t stop spinning because you faced your fear, you will gain more and more confidence.

I would seriously advise you to seek out some tools to help accelerate your confidence building. Hypnosis and emotional releasing techniques can be invaluable. The personal development industry has a myriad of products and you should pick one that resonates with you. However, you have all the power within that you need to change yourself from the inside out. Make the decision now to face one fear a week and do it. You will build your self confidence to a level that you can not even now imagine.

Building Self Confidence – For A Lifetime Of Achievement

admin — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 16:50:22 +0000

Each of us has a reservoir of ability that we habitually fail to use. Failing to identify and develop our abilities contributes to many of the inferiorities that we feel. By building self confidence we can experience everything that we are and all we want to be.
If you think about all your abilities, from tying your shoe laces, to driving a car, designing a building, making new friends or speaking in public, the one common element to all ability is frequent and consistent application of the same activity. The self confidence is gained in accordance with the knowledge and ability to perform any action.
So the key to building self confidence is not some deep hidden ability that is unattainable to anyone. Achieving the level of self confidence that we all want takes commitment, motivation and most of all consistent ongoing effort. You have to really want it, focus on specific areas and work towards the goals.
What’s stopping you?
Doubts, fear and a lifetime of negative unproductive thinking keep us operating far below our capabilities. To release the inner strength needed to sustain the motivation to gain knowledge and practice the activities will involve some mental reprogramming. Taking those lifelong tired old unproductive negative thoughts and replacing them with powerful, success driven thinking.
You are probably asking yourself “What is he talking about?”
It is really nothing more than taking how you think and respond to any situation and conditioning yourself to think and respond in a different way (in a way that will help you achieve, prosper, and reach a desired goal).
Let’s say that you would like to achieve a goal, like losing 20 lbs. Unfortunately, every time you decide to begin a diet your old thinking patterns come into your head “It’s not possible” or “I’ll always be overweight” or “I can’t change my eating patterns because there is no time to cook healthy meals”.
You can try to eliminate these harmful thinking patterns, but the real solution is to replace them with new ones. By installing the new attitudes and new beliefs, through repetition, you can retrain your mind to respond with thoughts and actions that will give you confidence and encourage you toward success.
This process will allow these new thoughts to be the dominate influence in your life. You will be one of the few people that will be able to tap into your inner reservoir of ability and project it at will. Building and projecting self confidence will become natural, confident, sharp and comfortable.
There is just one other thing I would like to mention. It doesn’t matter how young or old you are, you have the ability to do this. It does take a determined effort, our unproductive thinking patterns didn’t happen overnight. Give it a chance to really become automatic. It’s a proven method, very simple and will last a lifetime. I know that the change in you and your ability will not only affect your life, but will also have a positive direct influence in your family, friends and co-workers.

Improving Your Self Confidence

admin — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 04:57:21 +0000

When you project self confidence you get further ahead. You feel better about yourself and people like to be around you. More opportunities open up for you naturally. Not everyone is “born” with self confidence but even if your confidence is low, there are some things you can do to improve on it.

The first thing you must do to gain self confidence is to accept and love yourself. Remember that no one is perfect so don’t beat yourself up over a few flaws. You must accept them and think about all your great qualities. Doing so will free your mind of a heavy baggage of unnecessary worries and you will instantly feel light and cheerful.

Another thing you must do is to participate in activities that you enjoy. When is that last time you enjoyed a walk outdoors or some activity you loved to do when you were young? This might seem like a little thing but these simple things have the power to add on to build great confidence and fulfillment. Take some time each day to do something you enjoy and reflect on your special abilities. Since you enjoy doing that activity, it means that you have all the aptitude and intelligence necessary to do the job effortlessly even though you may not realize it.

Setting and achieving your goals is another step in gaining self confidence but many people set unrealistic goals and when they fail to achieve them it undermines their self confidence. Even if you have a lofty goal, break it down into smaller steps. Then you can check off each completed step as a goal successfully reached and be that much closer to your ultimate “big” goal.

The people you associate with play an important role in your self confidence. If your loved ones are always criticizing you then this will do nothing for your self confidence. You need to stay away from people like this and gravitate towards those with a positive outlook that will support you. This will do wonders for your self confidence!

In addition to listening to what others have to say about you, you need to be aware of your own self talk. Do you think “I could never do that?” or “I didn’t do a good job” a lot? You must change this type of self talk to be more positive. How about ‘I did my best and it came out pretty good” instead? You need to realize that you are a unique individual with your own special place in the world and realize you can succeed at any reasonable task and can handle lifes daily tests. The key is to not become so over confident that you stop listening to others and think that you know everything. Taking in others perceptions, criticisms and praise and filtering it so that you only take in what will help make you better will help in your self confidence in the long run.

Your self picture is what feeds your self confidence and this needs constant monitoring and care. Don’t underestimate yourself and guard against letting feelings of inferiority in. Always shoot for your best and most reasonable goals and keep your strong points in mind.

A good practice is to write down some short term and long term plans. Where would you like to be 5 years from now? Break that down into smaller steps and go about executing your plan. Also write down all your strong points – what you do well and the things you usually receive compliments on. At the same time, write down a few things you would like to work on improving. Have a self image of yourself as confident and proceed to act this way even when you are not feeling confident, this will go a long way in adjusting your attitude. When negative feelings or feelings of inferiority creep in, simply push them away. If they insist on coming back, set them aside to think about at the end of the day and go on with your business using your confident attitude.

Taking responsibility for your thoughts and actions and practicing self confidence will go a long way toward improving your self confidence helping you reach your goals and enriching your life!

Discover The One True Way To Skyrocket Your Confidence

admin — Sat, 26 Sep 2009 07:00:10 +0000

When all is said and done there is only one way for you to build confidence and that is to just do it. If you want to become more confident at riding a bike you must first learn to ride the bike and then with some more practice your confidence will grow in this area and not the other way round.

A great many people want to have the confidence before they attempt whatever it they want to achieve but unfortunately it doesn’t and cannot work that way.

These type of people are the ones who rarely attempt anything new and therefore live quite an unfulfilled life. They are stuck in a mental paralysis to which there seems to be no escape.

So how do you escape from this mental paralysis? Well there are two ways that you can just do it. The first is to do whatever it is you’re wanting to do despite your fear. You’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to be apprehensive but it’s not the end of the world so who cares, just do it.

If the goal seems too big for you then chunk it down into small manageable pieces that you feel you can deal with. Attempt to do the easiest piece first to gain a little confidence to enable you to tackle the more daunting chunks.

Then second way to gain confidence is to tackle something unrelated to the task at hand. It must be something that makes you feel a little uncomfortable, Something that will push out your boundaries but not something that is so scary that it will paralyze you.

The aim of this is the confidence you gain from pushing your boundaries will permeate throughout the rest of your life improving your confidence on every level. This results in you attempting to do things that before you couldn’t even bear to think about.

This in turn pushes your boundaries further and further. It’s an upward spiral that will be very difficult to break as long you keep on doing things that make you feel a little uncomfortable.

Confidence is just like exercise, you go to the gym three time a week, every week and after a short while you begin to feel the benefit of the exercise. However if you stop for a few months you fitness level starts to decrease.

If you stop doing the things which make you feel uncomfortable you’ll no longer be pushing those boundaries and after a while your comfort zone will start to shrink back to what it once was.

Remember, it doesn’t matter how many tools you have in your mental toolbox for improving your level of confidence you cannot build it without first doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable.